Love is all there is……. It takes many shapes and forms and morphs and evolves, but it is all there is.

by LilMissMountainMaven

Dear Mom,

I was just about to write you and Dad to check in, I heard about what happened and have been following it via the Woodson Alumni Facebook page (and I will admit I am tempted to fly out just for Wednesday to attend that meeting).

It is absolutely heartbreaking.
I would be lying if I said I had never entertained those thoughts when I was younger. And yes, even after John broke up with me some of those thought patterns resurfaced.
But now I know that’s exactly what they are.
They are old patterns. They are strangers in my mindspace. They are NOT ME anymore. (See? The psych degree is worthwhile!)
When those thought patterns did resurface, those thoughts made me shudder, because I know that I have a purpose, and that it is very important. I will never do anything to myself even in my darkest of times because my belief in that purpose is too strong, and that is not my choice to make, it is up to the universe.
I know that life is a balance, there are amazing fly above the clouds moments, and moments that suffocate you under the weight of heavy flowing sand. You know I’m stubborn as hell, and I am determined to use ALL of the moments in my life to constantly learn and evolve and blossom into the better me that I know I become each moment. And yes, I know I am loved, and I do my best to share, reciprocate, and pay that love forward every day. Do I get short tempered or *gasp* bitchy or selfish sometimes? Well of course, I’m human too, but I try to minimize those occurrences, be mindful of them when they do occur, and above all live authentically and maybe inspire others to do the same.
I would love to tell the families and friends of those kids, those souls they cherished and loved and will always cherish and love, that I wish I could tell them it will all be alright. But I can’t. Life will go on, and there will be more amazing and beautiful moments in their lives. But the loss will never go away. Their hearts will always ache for their boys sometimes. And that’s okay.
Because it means that they have had the opportunity to feel, and to love fully.
Maybe it will change the climate at Woodson now. Maybe it won’t. But I can tell you, and I would tell them, that I am damn sure that the ceasing of the earthly existence of their boys will inspire at least one person, if not many of us, to live more fully, more authentically, more compassionately, and more lovingly.
Because honestly, love is all there is. It may morph and shift and evolve, but it’s always there. That’s what matters.
Love,
Megan
On Mar 2, 2014, at 12:14 PM, Carol Hebbe wrote:
Dear Megs,
THANK YOU so much for your recent e-mail. I really needed it though I do wish I was there to listen and just try to be there for you.. to “Mom” you… I know that you have really hit a rough spot and are still grieving the loss of a very cherished relationship.. The fact that other aspects of your life are also not secure truly affects your balance. I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your suffering and your dis-connect.. and to assure you that you WILL find your path and be able to look back and realize you had to go thru all this turmoil to reach your calling… Do remember, we are a family of late bloomers…. on both sides…. Your Dad took a while to get his bearings as did your Uncle Rock….
Your family IS there for you as are so many people who’s lives you have touched and aren’t necessarily aware of.
Current Events:
There have been TWO suicides involving Woodson students this past week. One lived on Clara Barton. I pass by his house each day when I go on my morning walk… I have smiled and exchanged pleasantries with him and his sister when they have been outside. It is so tragic and it shakes you to your core. I can not imagine the devastation the family is experiencing along with his fellow students and WTW community. He was well liked, an excellent student, and a respected athlete. The second suicide which took place several days later was eerily similar and unexplained…. Well thought of, good student and athlete. It is beyond tragic and is so scary. I can only assume that depression played a major part in this whether diagnosed or not…
And Megan I know this is something you deal with and it concerns me enormously. I realize that running and working out help but I question whether it is enough and am concerned that you are not availing yourself to what might possibly be helpful. Someone to talk to… medication… I don’t know, but I DON”T WANT TO LOSE YOU…. You are MY HEART….You are so precious and SPECIAL and SO LOVED…. As your Mom, I would give anything to make it “all better”…. to have words of wisdom to impart… to ease your sorrow… But, all I can do is let you know that you are a true gift and that I continually pray for strength and guidance for you so that you will find your way and achieve the happiness you so deserve….
I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH,
Mom
XOXO